Will Your Dark Night of the Soul Ever End? Embracing Transformation
Have you ever found yourself looking up “What is a Dark Night of the Soul and how do I deal with it?” If so, you’re not alone. Many people hit a point in their lives where they feel utterly lost, and it’s crucial to understand this phase is a rite of passage.
Hey friend! Let me share a powerful moment from my own story. I was sitting on a couch at a friend's place, feeling utterly lost, in my own dark night of the soul when I realised something vital: my thoughts were not my own. I was living by rules set by my family, school, and society—rules that weren’t helping me thrive. This epiphany led me to seek a more authentic path, and crafting my mission statement became a pivotal step.
Understanding the Dark Night of the Soul
The Dark Night of the Soul can feel like an endless tunnel with no light in sight. It occurs when the old story of who you are is ending, and the new story has not yet emerged.
It’s also a rite of passage where you confront the unuseful patterns that have got you to your current life’s experiences and start to dream up a new story of who you are and how the world works so that you can have a different experience.
This natural developmental phase is about recognising that following society’s template isn’t fulfilling. Instead, being your truest self is the key to unlocking your full potential and contribution.
As Maslow stated in his Motivational Theory pyramid, it’s about understanding the causes of deficit needs and transcending into your being needs. In a dark night of the soul it seems as though the systems are broken and working against you, and that there’s no way out. It brings up feelings of being trapped, lacking value or worth, alone, angry at the way things are, in despair, helpless, hopeless, and drowning or spiralling.
The idea that there’s no way out is an illusion. It’s an invitation to shift your perspective so that you can see new options.
The opportunity of this rite of passage is to understand you are a gift to the world simply being you.
The world is not broken, it's creating an opportunity for you to activate a better life. It’s about bringing your thoughts, words, feelings and actions into harmony. Ask yourself—are your thoughts, words, feelings, and actions all saying the same thing?
It’s not so much about finding yourself, it’s more like a process of seeking and removing all of the barriers inside yourself to being the natural gift that you are in the world. It’s a return to and remembering of your true essence.
Many career shifters who come to me for weekend workshops and coaching have this deep, almost visceral sense that they want to make a difference in the world. They know they have a greater contribution to make, more potential to offer, and a longing to be of service in their own unconventional way.
They also find themselves in resistance to receiving and accepting their calling as some parts of them are out of alignment and longing to come into unity. Yes, they find themselves in a dark night of the soul, wondering when the light at the end of the tunnel will show up. (hint you are the light, you’re simply looking in the wrong direction).
The Importance of Having a Mission
Let’s start by talking about why having a mission is so useful for coming through a dark night of the soul. The thing is: having a noble sense of wanting to do something meaningful is just the beginning. To truly make a difference, you need to get specific about who or what you value making a difference to, what natural strengths you can apply, the kind of activities you enjoy and are energised by, and why it matters so much to you.
A mission usually comes from your darkest and most shadowy experiences in life. In such moments you make up a story about why it is that you’re not enough, unlovable, not valued, not capable enough, too much, and so on.
So often it’s the gifts of your greatest life struggle that form the basis of your life’s mission.
A mission is that thing that keeps you motivated and energised even in the face of great challenges. Specifically your challenges. It turns a vague sense of purpose into a dream you can grow into, tell other people about and connect over. A mission brings you a cohesive direction for your work-life.
It's like having a shopping list that integrates all your passions and potential—outlining the exact criteria that are important to you so that you can find the ideal work-life match.
Knowing your deficits and desires, plus your unconventional and unique definition of success from steps 1 and 2 of the Mission Impact Method also help inform your mission.
Realising Your Mission
Here’s where the fun begins. I use simple story methods to help you tell your story, hear your story, and enact a new story too. Your mission statement is the new work-life you’re dreaming into being. Story frees your mind from all the constraints you’ve learned about what is acceptable.
In Mission Impact workshops and coaching, we explore your whole life story, not just your work history. This holistic approach helps you identify the stories that inspire you, make you feel most alive, and understand why that’s always been motivating you (yes, you do have a big why, everyone does whether they know it or not).
Here’s a starter version for you to try:
What’s your favourite story right now? It might be a movie or a book. Briefly summarise the story. Now note the character you resonate most with. What challenges does this character face? How does the character overcome these challenges?
According to career theorist Mark Savickas, this question reveals a lot about your own story. The character you connect with likely mirrors your own life’s challenges and aspirations. Consider how this story might relate to your own life right now, not in a literal way, but a metaphorical way. The aspirations and challenges of the character you identify with might just reveal your work-life mission.
In deeper workshops and coaching, I provide easy formulas to craft your mission statement. Here’s one to get you started: “I am most happy and successful when I am able to [add how your story character overcomes their big challenge].”
What insights does this reveal for you?
For example, my favourite story is the movie *7 Years in Tibet*. The character Heinrich wanted to be the first to climb the world's highest mountain. He was motivated by external things like success, esteem, money, and fame. Yet during the expedition, he gets lost in Tibet, where he begins to realise how his heart is not at peace. Being there teaches him how to be a good friend and how to return home to his heart.
Can you see how this mirrors my work-life mission?
I was lost for direction with an unsettled heart in my work-life. I began to listen to my heart, be a good friend to myself and it brought me home to myself, helping me realise who I truly enjoy being. You see, I believe that work can be a path of spiritual development, something that helps you experience harmony inside and out.
The Power of a Mission Statement
Having a mission statement is empowering. It allows you to articulate your purpose clearly and opens you up to unrealised possibilities and potential. For instance, a client of mine initially studied mental health because they wanted to prevent harm and suffering.
With the Mission Impact method, they realised they could make a broader impact that better aligned with their natural strengths of influencing, connecting, and communicating by working in government to change policies. This shift was born from their frustration with the limitations of direct service roles, knowing they weren’t in their zone of strength, and a desire to affect systemic change.
Conclusion
Crafting your mission statement is an invitation to know yourself deeply and design a work-life that truly reflects who you are. It’s a story that combines introspection with actionable steps, helping you move from a work-life you loathe to one you love. Plus a mission statement can be used to explore both business ideas and career ideas in step 4 of the Mission Impact Method.
My dear friend Agne provided the artwork for this blog, and offers the idea that ‘The light at the end of the tunnel is not an illusion, the tunnel is.’
Read the next blog, where we'll dive into identifying opportunities that align with your mission. Until then, keep exploring and stay curious! Or go from the start of this 6 part blog series.
Let’s create a work-life that you’re fulfilled and excited about every single day.